Greeting young lady. Relationships can be maddening, wonderful and fleeting. I am 74 as you may remember. I have circled back to some friends and found that the affection we had has been rejuvenated. In your case that my not be that easy but you are dealing with humans, a notoriously fickle species rooted in personal insecurities. As Dylan sings, friends will arrive, friends will disappear. Your mother has it right. Ultimately we are alone, and we are the hardest person to live with at times. I thought I had deeply hurt a girl friend from my past, 50+ plus ago. It tormented me off and on, as i had loved her and felt in ways I had been instrumental to the negative in her subsequent divorce. Had not heard from her nor about her for decades. I recently reestablished contact only to discover that she had no idea what I was referring to. We are now discussing a reunion and both enthusiastic about the prospects. I have other people from my past that I have no desire to connect with again. I often think about what Satchel Paige (Negro league Pitcher in the early 1900s) said, "Don't look back, something might be gaining on you." Easier said that done. My past girl friend also reminds me to live this moment, not the ancient ones. It ain't fun being human but it is entertaining for most of us. Keep on keeping on.
That's fascinating your girl friend had no idea what you were talking about. It's so interesting how we can have these experiences and stories we are sure of in our mind and find out the other person has had a completely different experience. And your comment sounds similar to another saying my mom used to share often, "We come into this world alone and we leave this world alone, so you better start learning how to be alone." :)
I grew up as the proverbial New Kid - longest at in one school system was 2 1/2 years, moved the summer before my senior year in HS, and after HS played professional baseball for 8 years living out of suitcase. I think I adopted the same strategy as your mother, learn not to miss people, move on and make new friends. I wouldn’t say that’s the best way to grow up, but you gotta play the hand your dealt. I’ve always felt that friendship is a two-way street, the two people make each other better. If one person has to beg or buy the other person to be their friend, then I would question whether that is true friendship, more of a submissive relationship that gives one person power over the other, rather than a relationship between equals. Bottom line - friendship is hard work.
I love your writing - essays and music - and I think that’s because you’re willing to put yourself out there, to expose feelings. Keep it up!
We grew up the same way! But somehow I did not learn your and my mother's coping strategy. It used to drive my mom crazy, the big emotional production of goodbyes I needed every time we moved away (every other year). But maybe that is why I became a writer and musician...because I am ruled by emotion? I do think there's probably a balance between our two mechanisms that might be the more healthy option.
Thank you for the kind words on my writing, and for your responses! I love reading them.
I love this. Such a great reminder. An incredible way to zoom out. Nature also helps me put my worries into perspective. The problem is when daily life in American cities keeps us "separate" from nature. Takes more effort to get these reminders.
Greeting young lady. Relationships can be maddening, wonderful and fleeting. I am 74 as you may remember. I have circled back to some friends and found that the affection we had has been rejuvenated. In your case that my not be that easy but you are dealing with humans, a notoriously fickle species rooted in personal insecurities. As Dylan sings, friends will arrive, friends will disappear. Your mother has it right. Ultimately we are alone, and we are the hardest person to live with at times. I thought I had deeply hurt a girl friend from my past, 50+ plus ago. It tormented me off and on, as i had loved her and felt in ways I had been instrumental to the negative in her subsequent divorce. Had not heard from her nor about her for decades. I recently reestablished contact only to discover that she had no idea what I was referring to. We are now discussing a reunion and both enthusiastic about the prospects. I have other people from my past that I have no desire to connect with again. I often think about what Satchel Paige (Negro league Pitcher in the early 1900s) said, "Don't look back, something might be gaining on you." Easier said that done. My past girl friend also reminds me to live this moment, not the ancient ones. It ain't fun being human but it is entertaining for most of us. Keep on keeping on.
That's fascinating your girl friend had no idea what you were talking about. It's so interesting how we can have these experiences and stories we are sure of in our mind and find out the other person has had a completely different experience. And your comment sounds similar to another saying my mom used to share often, "We come into this world alone and we leave this world alone, so you better start learning how to be alone." :)
I grew up as the proverbial New Kid - longest at in one school system was 2 1/2 years, moved the summer before my senior year in HS, and after HS played professional baseball for 8 years living out of suitcase. I think I adopted the same strategy as your mother, learn not to miss people, move on and make new friends. I wouldn’t say that’s the best way to grow up, but you gotta play the hand your dealt. I’ve always felt that friendship is a two-way street, the two people make each other better. If one person has to beg or buy the other person to be their friend, then I would question whether that is true friendship, more of a submissive relationship that gives one person power over the other, rather than a relationship between equals. Bottom line - friendship is hard work.
I love your writing - essays and music - and I think that’s because you’re willing to put yourself out there, to expose feelings. Keep it up!
We grew up the same way! But somehow I did not learn your and my mother's coping strategy. It used to drive my mom crazy, the big emotional production of goodbyes I needed every time we moved away (every other year). But maybe that is why I became a writer and musician...because I am ruled by emotion? I do think there's probably a balance between our two mechanisms that might be the more healthy option.
Thank you for the kind words on my writing, and for your responses! I love reading them.
I love this. Such a great reminder. An incredible way to zoom out. Nature also helps me put my worries into perspective. The problem is when daily life in American cities keeps us "separate" from nature. Takes more effort to get these reminders.