No mask, no makeup

the story of the cover art for my new song, Just More Love

The single cover for my new song, Just More Love, is the first time I’ve put out music and used a photograph of myself with no makeup on and my hair not done. 

It seems like it shouldn’t be noteworthy to me but presentation as a woman is something that comes up in conversations a lot with friends, peers, on the internet, everywhere you look? Especially in a world and an industry where women seem to be more harshly judged for their physical appearance. When hair extensions, botox, fake lashes and professional makeup are becoming normalized as the bare necessities for a photo, performance, or just leaving the house…. to choose not to participate, feels like you’re the abnormal looking one and just asking to be invisible or dismissed. 

I’ve never been very into makeup though…I appreciate it and feel good when I put it on, aside from feeling like I need to do it for stage, photos, career, but it’s not something I have an interest in, that I care about doing on a daily basis or that brings me joy the way I see it for others. Not to mention there are many other things I’d rather spend my money on than that aspect of my physical appearance. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve thought I’ve put on a full face of makeup and someone has asked me if I was going to go do my makeup or commented on the fact that I don’t wear any…. 

But social expectations aside...part of sharing music that feels more vulnerable, true to this phase of my life, honest… is also reflecting on how I present the image of it, regardless of what it seems like the expectations are to be recognized or included.

The photo I ended up using was taken by my husband, on his iPhone, a couple summers ago at my parents house. For some new parents, going to visit grandparents means a bit of a reprieve, some free babysitting, time to go out as a couple, some relief. Because of my mom’s stroke, that’s not our situation. My mom is still physically impaired and my dad still works a full time job, cares for her as well as maintains their home, shopping, and meals. Babysitting a grandchild is just not in the cards. I could not fathom asking my dad if after a full day of work, enduring the physical labor of helping my mom, cooking and cleaning, if he could get my mother ready for bed, physically tuck her in and then move onto his rambunctious 2 year old granddaughter’s bath and bedtime routine so that we could have a night out. So for us, when we visit, we are doing what we can to help them as much as possible to make their lives slightly easier, or at the very least not harder, slightly more joyful, while also entertaining and caring for a toddler. The days can feel long even though the nights end early. 

This particular summer visit was a challenging one. It has been a process, everyone adapting to and coping with our new lives. The shock and continual process of learning how to maneuver life with my mother’s condition paired with a new baby and then young child running around, can be chaotic with a deep learning curve. There is incredible joy but there are also pockets and days of incredible sadness, exhaustion and frustration, for each of us. 

I remember this was one of those harder days. We typically would get Georgia down for bed and then I would immediately get in bed myself, exhausted by the day, ready to zone out with a book or tv show while Aaron would read or do work in the living room. But this evening, I remember Aaron breaking our routine. He noticed the light. 

“Whoa, you gotta see the sky right now, let’s go out back.” The beauty of midwest summer’s is being on the edge of Eastern Standard Time and it stays light out until sometimes 9pm. We opened the sliding glass door and quietly crept out to the back patio to sit by the pool, intermittently chatting about the day and falling into silence for long periods of time. 

“Let me take your picture, this light is just too beautiful.” Aaron broke through a passage of quiet.

“Eh, I don’t have any makeup on, I didn’t do my hair today, I’m exhausted.” I brushed him off.

“Come on, I think you are the most beautiful without makeup anyway, you look like you. Let’s just take some photos. The light is too good.”

The sky was on fire, completely filled with pinks and oranges. I sat on the edge of the diving board and let Aaron take a few photos. Before long, we were laughing and joking, forgetting for a moment the range of emotions, history, family, immense love, heartache, disappointment, loss, happy and terrible memories that were held in the house behind us. 

When it seemed like the moment had passed, we started walking towards the house.

“Here, let’s just take a couple more at the corner of the pool, bend down…”

I squatted down on the side and looked up as I felt soft droplets of a Michigan summer rain start to fall upon me. The pool started filling with pebbled imprints as the water cascaded more quickly through the warm air. This was my favorite kind of night. It felt familiar, safe, it felt warm, like so many of my summer nights here in this same spot, as a child. I looked up and around at the trees framing my parents house, the house I grew up coming to when my own grandparents lived there. I saw the long flowing branches of the neighbor’s willow tree that looms large over my parents mid-century ranch, starting to sway as the rain and breeze picked up. 

As the rain increased, I didn’t run inside to stop myself from getting wet like I normally would. I kept looking up and I let it fall upon my skin, drops gathering on my bare arms, my hair, my face. I sat there and I breathed. In and out. 

Okay, let’s go inside. 

Listen to Just More Love here

---

As always, thank you so much for being here. These essays are written quickly, from the heart, without an editor. Please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I didn’t catch. Your readership, your responses and yes your paid subscriptions, keep me going.

---

---

NEW SECTIONS

Part of this newsletter is to share what is going on in my professional/creative world as well as places/ways we can connect more. So from now on, I’ll be including in every newsletter, what’s coming up and what teaching opportunities I will be offering if you are interested in that. I’m also working on some offerings for my cherished paid subscribers! If you are a paid subscriber and have a wishlist of something you’d like to see, please message me or comment!

Performances coming up…..

• It’s hibernation mode… announcements will be coming for shows starting in the spring time but for now, it’s about staying home, family and welcoming a new baby in the new year.

Music coaching (Online)….

• 1:1 Songwriting Mentorship program: I am taken enrollment for March! Spots are already filling up so if you’re even remotely interested, You can apply here to start the conversation and learn more!

• !!! LAST ONLINE WORKSHOP OF THE YEAR! Dec 8th on ZOOM. This is a class I designed and have been teaching all year at festivals and camps. It’s been incredibly fun to see the process in action. It’s 2 hours long and I keep these classes small so you get lots of one on one attention! We will do writing exercises to explore connecting to your truer writing selves rather than writing through filters of what we think we should write about to gain something.

• Sign up here: https://www.michaelaanne.com/store-1/p/songwriting-with-your-subconscious-workshop

  

Currently reading….

• Louise Erdrich’s The Blue Jay’s Dance: A Memoir of Early Motherhood. It’s beautiful and of course timely for me.

Currently watching…

• Christmas movies… particularly the old versions of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman with my daughter.