Mama's mama
and just a few of her wise words
A few years ago, while visiting my parents, I found one of those “for your grandchild” books my maternal grandmother had started to fill out for me. It was one of those books with prompts and questions to complete to capture memories and feelings of life. One of my favorite things to do is uncover family relics: photographs, letters, journals. I more recently found a stack of postcards, many written in Arabic, from that same grandmother’s family. Many of them had immigrated to Michigan from Lebanon and were writing back and forth about life, the grocery store and restaurant they were running, and traveling to places like Ohio and Niagara Falls. Learning about relatives and ancestors, many of whom I never had the chance to meet, feels like a little thread, sewing more parts of myself together, filling in lines of a story that maybe weren’t noticeably missing, but you can feel the whole of you change as you get to write them in.
I’ve always had an especially high regard for my maternal grandmother, Julia Mae Joseph Ruhala. My mama’s mama. (My daughter’s name for my own mother is, Mama Mama). I still treasure photographs of her from her younger years, glamorous and beautiful like a young Elizabeth Taylor. The way I knew her in my childhood was as a loving but sharp-tongued, foul-mouthed, slightly overweight, crossword and jigsaw puzzle-loving, incredibly smart, mumu-wearing, chain-smoking, hard-working, donut and bunny pancake-making grandmother. I also still thought of her as glamorous. Reading her words now, even words I’ve read hundreds of times before, makes me feel closer to her, deepens my admiration and respect and longing to have known her as a woman and person, not just as my grandmother. I continue to understand the ways her perspectives, how she viewed the world and people with love, and her deep commitment to justice and equality have informed the foundations of my belief systems.
In honor of Mother’s Day this past weekend, I wanted to share some wisdom and anecdotes Julie imparted in my grandchild's book:
The way she described my mother’s birth:
I thought my baby resembled: “a beautiful China doll.”
First word was: “She went right to full sentences at 1 year.”
I still smile when I think about the time: “she was 3 or less and giving Maggie directions on where to put their dirty clothes. Maggie followed orders.”
In a section on The Future:
My wish for the future is: “that my grandchildren will have a full life. One with challenges, opportunities, some pain, few failures and lots of happiness. One has to experience all of lifes emotions to find ones way in life. Faith in yourselves will help overcome fear.”
In a section on Reflections:
I was in for a complete surprise when: I realized how all encompassing parenting young children is. It challenges you with every action and deed. Intellect and who you are as a person has great impact.”
I was always sorry I didn’t: figure out a way to put law school into my life.
I felt (she crossed out the typed felt and wrote FEEL above it) very strongly about: “racism and the pain and anguish it causes.”
I’ve changed my mind and now I think: “that organized religion causes more problems than it helps.”
Hope you all had a beautiful Mother’s Day weekend!
AND! My album is out! :) Info is below! More writing ahead on this record and the songs behind it. Thank you for the continued support!
My new album These Are The Days is out now!! Please go stream the full album on your streaming platform of choice and purchase your physical copy at my website! Look at that beautiful vinyl! :)
DATES! Please buy tickets if one of these shows is near your town. Promise more dates are coming soon!
July 4th, Kingston, NY Rolling Stone Stateside Festival
July 17th, Winthrop, ME at Absolem Cider w/ Toby McCallister
July 19th, Cambridge, MA at Club Passim
July 24th, Exeter, NH at The Word Barn
My maternal grandmother is a powerful but remote presence. She passed of cancee when she was just 62, and I was only 5. Sadly, it's a common thread, as her sister also did in her 60s, and my uncle at 60.
She was a remarkable women who had an incredible life. She barely escape from Germany to England on the Kinder Transport. She was admitted to study medicine at the University of London, which was incredibly difficult for a woman in the 40s.
Unfortunately, given the circumstances, there wasn't money for that, so she trained as nurse.
She was a sculptor, too, and we have some of her. I definitely get my aporeciation for art and my creativity from her.
She was also very prpgressive, and she didn't hold back about her opinions. When the PTA had a meeting about the "problem of interracial dating" she told them exactly what they could do and resigned. (In 1966, my mom went to het senior prom with a Black friend.)
When my uncle inteoduced his fiancee to my grandparents, she was still in college. My Oma proceeded to say that no one woman was going to give up her dreams and ambitions just to marry her son.
My uncle told me that once, when he was out for dinner with my grandparents, my grandfather had the wandering eye. He went to use the restroom and my uncle asked, "Doesn't it bother you?" She said, "Only dead men don't look, and dead men are no fun."
When she got her terminal diagnosis, she wenr out to California to ride motorcycles and get stoned with my uncle.
I have a special appreciation for women like Margo Price and Neko Case because I see a lot of her in them. Strong, opinionated, a little outrageous, creative, brilliant, and tender. They're a special kind of neurodivergent that touches my heart.